Use Your Gift

Over the past few months, I've had the opportunity to work on an amazing project that has allowed me to meet some amazing women. While I set out to complete this task as an extra job, it ended up becoming an amazing gift and an eye-opening experience for me. Throughout this journey, I sat down with many people who shared their stories that were truly inspirational. There was one young lady in particular who truly impacted me. From the jump, I was amazed at how young yet humble this young lady was. She shared with me her journey and how she simply maximized on her God-given potential to reach her current level of success. 

Later that evening as I reflected, it dawned on me how simple success really is if, in fact, we stop sleeping on our gift.  I think about the many of women who aspire to gain success and pay a lot of money to attend workshops and training on how to be successful, when in fact success sometimes lies in the palm of our hand, yet we fail to acknowledge and utilize it. Something the young lady shared that really stood out to me is as follows:

It isn't the fact that we don't know how, but more so the fact that we spend so much time planning. We believe we have so much control when we know that often times things we plan never go the way we plan them. If we stop spending so much time planning and simply maximizing on our gift, perhaps a lot more of us would be successful.

It seems that after this encounter, I met so many women who were at places in their lives where they had gotten stuck or some who just simply felt they didn't even know where to start. The answer for both was simple; YOUR GIFT! You start with your gift. Your gift is yours. It's what you know and what you are an expert in. I'm sure that sounds a bit crazy when you feel like there are others who do the same thing you do, but NO ONE CAN DO WHAT YOU DO THE WAY YOU DO IT! As I found myself saying this to other young women, I also had to believe this for myself. There are others out here waiting on you and counting on your gift. If its hair, writing a book, doing makeup, elevating the fashion industry or starting a business; my advice remains the same: USE YOUR GIFT!! We often see things not working out the first or third time as a failure, but the reality is, YOU CANNOT FAIL AT YOUR GOD GIFTED TALENTS AND ABILITIES. Overthinking and overplanning will result in missed opportunities... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? GO FOR IT!!


-Nique Notes 

Change Your Mind

The greatest lesson 2017 taught me was it's not the issues in life that are the problem but in fact, the way that I think that determines the ultimate outcomes of life. What we think elicits what we believe and ultimately determines what we have and receive in life. As I entered into a new year, I reflected on the challenges of 2017 and initially I sought out to make a list of all the problems I encountered in 2017 and all the solutions I could apply in 2018 to avoid revisiting the woes of 2017 again. In doing so, I began to experience mixed emotions and frustration looking back on some of the things I faced. It dawned on me in that moment that it wasn't so much of what I faced that was the issue,  but my perception/ mindset about the issues. I could write a list 5 pages long, but none of this would matter if I didn't recognize that my mindset was in fact the issue!

Many of us find ourselves at some point in the next year going through the same things we went through in the previous year and end up confused as to why. I've spoken to many people who are entering the new year yet again single, yet again heart broken, yet again broke, yet again stagnant and confused as to why. I asked myself, are you tired of "yet again". I looked at my list and laughed because a list has no real purpose with the same state of mind. We find ourselves living in the "yet again" and not the "never again" because our mindset has remains the same. I'll allow myself to be vulnerable and have a real raw moment today. Going into this year, my biggest focus was to be a better steward over my finances. The truth is, that was my focus last year and the year before too. I realized that the reason my financial situation hadn't changed is because neither had my spending habits, my priorities and ultimately my MINDSET about money, which is why my finances hadn't either. If I truly wanted to see a change in my finances, I had to view money and spending completely different then I had before. It takes honesty and maturity for one to partake in a mind transformation. One has to be willing to not only acknowledge their role in whatever issue or challenges they are faced with, but also has to be willing to experience discomfort and do things that they've never done before. With this, we have to know that the PAST CANNOT EXIST in the PRESENT OR THE FUTURE! I've said this a least a million times to people and at this point in my life I TRULY BELIEVE IT!! You can write all the affirmations and resolutions you want, but until you've experienced a transformation of the mind, you cannot expect things to change.

I cannot continue to write this without acknowledging the ultimate reason I came to these conclusions. I've lived long enough to know God as my father. It was in fact his word in Romans 12:2 that sticks with me as it reminds me that transformation only comes by the renewing of ones mind. Since this, I honestly see everything so differently. The things that used to cause me stress no longer stress me because I realize stress is a negative state of mind and if I reject negativity I reject stress. This has to go beyond words. That's where many of us go wrong. We talk a good talk but we truly don't believe half the things we say. I pray that this post really encourages someone to undergo a mind operation. Ask yourself, what do I truly believe about myself? You may find the answers to why you are constantly experiencing failed relationships. Ask yourself, what is responsible money management? You may find yourself climbing out of debt and living a life of financial freedom. Ask yourself, what does family really mean? You may find relationships with your children and loved ones all of a sudden changing for the better. As I log off, I want to leave you with this:
Your thoughts are like seeds; seeds eventually wither away or prosper and grow... are you watering your seeds with life changing water or are you still counting on last years used and contaminated water and expecting a miracle?

-Nique

Confirmation= Validation

 I happen to be somewhat of a sneaker fan and so often times when purchasing shoes online, after waiting sometimes for nearly an hour to get the item in my cart and finally checking out, you're order is technically not complete until you've received the confirmation email that provides you with your order number. You have to be careful even after receiving your confirmation number because you don't fully know that the item is yours until you get your shipping notice and then your credit card has been charged. Often times we get excited about receiving confirmation only to discover the item is sold out or is on back order, which sometimes means incurring the disappointment of not being able to get the item or having to wait additional time before receiving it. By now you know I'm not speaking of sneakers or online shopping but I'm speaking about life.






Many times in life we may find ourselves in line awaiting for answers or seeking signs of approval for that new job, or new relationship, or even new opportunity. Some of us tend to make rapid decisions prematurely, similar to getting excited about the confirmation email and not awaiting the shipping notice which provides validation that our order is on the way. I'm learning the importance of being still. Making sudden moves or moves without confirmation can in may ways be detrimental. At times, we may get so caught up in our way and what we want, only to discover our way once again has failed. Lately, I have found myself at a stagnant place in life. A place where nothing is going wrong but at the same time, nothing is progressing. I realized that with confirmation also comes elevation and with elevation, you cannot operate from a place of who you once were! When God advances you to new levels in life and shuts doors in your life, it serves you no good to reconnect with people, places and things he has removed. It makes no sense to go back to bad habits and unhealthy mindsets and ways when that is no longer who you are.

I believe the true problem is the fact that when God has done a work within us, we get to a place where we feel we have arrived and are forever changed and then he reminds us that he is not finished with us yet. When we are elevated to new levels in life, this should mean new habits, new mindsets, new friends, etc. If you are finding yourself frustrated and unsure as to why you can't shake this uncomfortable feeling, perhaps you need to be still and do a self check. Are you resorting back to old ways? Are you hanging back out with those who don't add to your growth? Are you procrastinating? Are you holding out on pursuing that goal or dream? Being still allows you to not only effectively evaluate where you are in life, but it also allows God to provide you with confirmation that you cannot access when you are not still. Once confirmation is provided, its most important to obtain validation, which provides you with absolute certainty that you're either on the right track or that you need to turn around. Lack of confirmation and validation is like traveling without google maps. You are left to guess your way to destination, and I'm sure we all know that's nearly impossible without hitting many dead ends and wasting a lot of money on gas. Be careful not to find yourself making life decisions without confirmation. Only that which is confirmed will be beneficial and work out for our good in the end.

LEAVE IT ALONE

One of my greatest challenges is knowing when to help or fix things and when to leave things alone. I'd like to believe I'm the jack of many trades and this self-perception often results in me making matters worse. Recently, my kitchen sick decided to fall apart and we couldn't figure out what exactly had happened. We continued trying to run the water without looking under the sink. Me being me, I decided to put on my " Mr. Fit it" hat and did a little investigating under the kitchen sink. To my unfortunate surprise, the entire cabinet was now flooded with water!! Instead of calling an expert, I decided I knew what to do (boy was I wrong). After hours of pulling, screwing, twisting and turning, I decided to give up. I gathered myself from the kitchen floor with my pants and hair now saturated in water. I'm not sure why I thought I had the answers and in fact I'd probably made things worse. Why didn't I just leave it alone and call the maintenance experts?

Many of the disappointments I've faced in life have simple happened because I thought I knew best. Have you ever been too prideful or too full of yourself and thought you had all the answers only to discover you were absolutely wrong? I'm not sure if in these times I'm most disappointed to discover I was wrong or discovering that despite my efforts, there was still no resolve. Perhaps maybe I'm just too impatient to allow things to work themselves out... This mindset is most prevalent when we have experienced hurt and pain at the hands of another individual.  We set out to either fix it of fix THEM and when I say fix them I'm referring to vengeance. If you've lived long enough, I'm sure you've discovered nothing positive will come out of trying to FIX others simply because it's not our job or our right to seek vengeance on another. In fact, by doing so you put yourself at a much greater risk of making matters worse. What is our discomfort with leaving things alone? Perhaps if everything was in our ability to fix then they wouldn't have broken to begin with... We often identify ourselves as "broken" after a relationship has ended when the reality is YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BROKEN BECAUSE A RELATIONSHIP HAS BROKEN... Far too many times we've spend unnecessary time harboring on the impacts of a broken situation. We spend far too much time trying to fix that which was not meant to be fixed and this results in the feelings of brokenness. By doing this, we never get to see the benefits of leaving some people and or things ALONE.

All the time I spent trying to fix my kitchen sink, I could've consulted with an expert and had an entire new sink... We can never experience an upgrade trying to fix a downgrade... I've encountered many women who identify themselves as broken from a bad relationship, and despite the fact that an upgrade, be in within themselves or someone new, is right in front of them, they end up missing it harboring over something that's broken and cannot be fixed. It's almost like giving CPR to a person that's been dead for years... There is no alternative to DEAD because once something's dead, it's DEAD. I've learned that it's impossible to fix everything and everyone. In fact, it's not our job to fix many of the problems we face in life but to learn from those things, which in many instances requires us to leave it or them ALONE... The reality is, it's no secrete what we end up discovering about others. In fact, chances are we knew all along. We will end up saving ourselves a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain and MONEY if we learn to simply leave some things ALONE...

The GOOD in Goodbye

As we navigate this season of growth, I'm sure you will find that everyone that started out with you won't always end up with you. In fact, many begin the self love work after experiencing a hurtful breakup, betrayal from a trusted friend or hurt from a loved one or family member. If we are honest with ourselves, when you come to a place in life where you've committed to this journey, it's most likely because you've had enough of life and people mistreating and mishandling you and you realized that your only other option is to do something different. Not many make it to this point because we become so comfortable with the ways of other and things in our lives, particularly those people and things that mean us no good. Despite knowing that the relationship is abusive or that your involvement and or connections with people, places and things only cause more damage, we are like addicts addicted to that which will eventually destroy us if in fact we allow it.

Then there are those of us who push a little further and entertain the idea of growth and change and even make the attempt to do the work to evoke changes in our lives. However,  just as many addicts, they find themselves relapsing. This usually happens when we've made excuses and we all know excuses lead us right back to where we started or better yet in a far worse position than when we started. Often times when I've spoken to women in abusive relationships or women who have been cheated on I find it interesting that after sharing the horror of what their hearts, self esteem and self worth have endured, they conclude something positive about their abuser or heart breaker to ultimately excuse their behavior which commonly results in them staying and missing out on the GOOD in just saying Goodbye. Why is this? While I have no real rational reason, I'd like to believe that for many reasons many of us have convinced ourselves that better isn't possible. We've become so accustomed to mistreatment that it becomes the norm. Others may pour their hope and faith into believing that the individual or circumstance will change when in reality the change actually starts with self.

When one truly knows self, we will find heart break easier to handle and we are less likely to walk away broken. Knowing self means not accepting abuse of any form. Knowing self is not allowing individuals who have hurt us power over our lives and current and future relationships. I've had many people ask me how it's so easy for me to let go or get over past hurts and it's not the fact that it's easy but I realize that it's necessary. I often tell my friends, we all have our one and sometimes we discover that person we fell so deeply for isn't our one so instead of wasting time trying to fight for something that's over, the effort should be put into self so that when my one comes along I don't miss it. Many of us right now are unhappy because we are still begging and pleading. We are either addicts or in a constant cycle of relapsing. While I don't believe that you can't necessarily be friends with an ex, I don't believe an ex has a place in your present or future relationships. You cannot be fully present with new boo still stuck on old boo.. You also cannot blame new boo for the mess old boo took you through. We tend to allow the actions of others to define who we are and who we become. I had a friend tell me "well I'm still broken".... well of course you are because that's how you see yourself. The actions of others may at a point in time break you but it doesn't have to define who you are and what you see yourself as. "I'm insecure"... well that may be because you've defined your self worth based on what he/she said about you... Do you even know yourself or is who you are defined by others?

This is a topic I could probably blog about for days but my overall thought in this post is simply this, perhaps you will never know what GOOD is because you've never given good a chance because if in fact you did, saying GOODBYE would've happened already...

-Nique

KNOW BETTER

I must admit, growing up I was always the child that found herself in some sort of trouble. Often times before committing some sort of foolish act, I knew that the results would be me getting into trouble, nonetheless, I declined to make the right choice and so I frequently had visitations from my mom and the belt (no abuse involved). Before my mom gave me my punishment, I often heard these words "YOU KNEW BETTER, but you did it anyway". I had no comeback or refute so I was left to deal with the consequences, which was in no way shape or form fun! I'd lay in my bed at night feeling sorry for myself and trying to come up with some sort of explanation of why I did what I did when the reality was, I allowed the foolishness to transpire even though I knew better.

Before I move on any further, I want to speak factually about the term "foolishness". The root word of foolishness is FOOL. The dictionary defines the term fool as a silly or stupid individual who lacks judgement or sense. To be foolish is the result of responding or acting out from a place that lacks wisdom.

I believe that as a child, it's more likely you'll find yourself being foolish due to the limitations of wisdom that children aren't able to access or comprehend, but as adults I believe being foolish or allowing foolishness is purely a choice.  As an adult,  I have been able to escape those unwanted visitations from my mother, however, not the unwanted visitations of life. Far too many times, I've encountered undesirable visits from life as a result of the foolishness I'd given access to my life. I don't know about others, but I can recall several accounts in my life where I knew the decision I had decided to make was one that would result in disappointment, shame, heartbreak, financial distress, etc, however I neglected to utilize this knowledge and ended up being the fool one too many times.

It's interesting that even as adults we still try and find ways to make sense of our foolishness or find someone or something to blame, when in fact our foolish decisions were well thought through. The problem with foolish thinking is it results in us abandoning and or acknowledging the consequences we will eventually face for foolish choices.  When we allow foolishness access to our lives, we abandon foundational morals that result in us pretending we don't know better. Earlier this week, I was engaged in a conversation with a few of my friends about the "side-chick revolution".  We chatted about how social media and many women in the entertainment industry have cosigned on this new revolution resulting in many more women finding it acceptable to be girlfriend or wifey #2. I commented on the fact that not even influential women in the entertainment industry are exempt from being played and in fact many of them have written songs about it as if there's real humility in staying in a relationship where your worth is not valued. It further saddened me hearing multiple perspectives, which goes back to the fact that when we accept and cosign on foolishness we abandon foundational morals. We live in a time where we are told we can live our lives however and with whomever we want, even if that person is married or has a significant other. We are told that our worth is defined by how much money we make, how thick out booty is, how light our skin is and how many likes we can rack up on our social media pages. Somewhere along the way, we have lost sight of the many prestigious women who have set the example of what it means to be a respected and virtuous women. We have accepted the foolish thinking that WE ARE OUR BODIES and we are free to explore them in anyway and with whomever we desire. IN FACT,  FOR SOME OF US OUR BODY COUNT IS SO HIGH ITS A MIRACLE WE ARE ALIVE...(IJS).

If we are so easily persuaded to reject WHAT WE KNOW, we will always fall victim to being and staying a fool. The danger with fools is that there is no truth in what they stand for. Many of their customs and ways are created from a selfish and self-centered place. Selfish and self-centered thinking often results in failure every time. At some point in time in your life you will have to acknowledge your foolishness one way or another. It makes no sense to seek wisdom and have the wherewithal to live a full like and end up a fool because you decided not to KNOW BETTER...

-Nique

The UNDERDOG

I was super excited to get onto my laptop today and speak on my #niquenote from today because I am a true testament to being seen so often as the underdog. If I can go back in time, I can be honest and say at the forefront of my mind, I recall as a child my appearance was offsetting to most.  After constantly being told how mean I looked and how unattractive I was in comparison to my sister, I began to believe these things about myself. During that time, I had no idea that despite what those around me may have said, that God had so much more in store for me and was going to use those very words to elevate me to levels I would've never thought to imagine as a child. Indifferent from my sister, school was a challenge for me in my younger years. I would look at the words in a book and everything seemed to be a blur. I had a hard time reading and for the life of me I couldn't seem to comprehend many of mathematical concepts that were being taught to me. So as any child would do, I often acted out in school as a way to mask my shame. How many of you have had to mask things due to hurtful and damaging words? Back then, I don't believe teachers were educated on the various learning styles and it wasn't until 3rd grade that a good teacher, Mrs. Dewald,  took the time to realize that in fact my struggle was not that I could NOT learn but it was the fact of how I was being taught that did not compliment my learning style. It was in the 3rd grade I began to excel in my studies when my teacher figured out I was a kinesthetic learner. I in fact needed to utilized my hands when learning versus being expected to sit still and be talked at. Often times as the underdog, we are put in the rink without the proper tools to carryout the fight, but when we get access to the tools we need to achieve the task at hand  you better watch out!! The war of incompetent teachers, naysayers and challenging curriculum didn't stand a chance from that time on.

The underdog... you know, the one who had a baby in her teenage years, or the one that dropped out of school, the ugly girl in the neighborhood that everyone teased, you know the one on welfare robbing Peter to pay Paul, the one that sat and ate lunch alone in the staff lounge, you know who I'm talking about? Perhaps it's you, or perhaps you've been the one who has identified these individuals as the underdog. See the trouble with labeling people is that without knowing someone's story all you have to go on is what you see and we all know looks can be very deceiving. What most don't take into consideration about underdogs is that because we are presented with more hurdles than most and because the odds seem to always work against us, we have to strategize differently.  So while all you see is the fatherless child, the darker skin, the welfare check, or the GED, you don't know and you don't see the whole picture. As an underdog you get to a point in life where you realize it's pointless trying to prove yourself to people, especially people who have counted you out. I experience this most often in the church. People see your struggle based on your outer appearance or based on what they've heard about you and from that they decide your worth. Aren't you glad that peoples perception of you has no power in the determining of your destiny?? Often times, underdogs are also outcasts; there's no place for them to assimilate among  the majority, so they often find themselves alone... I often hear preachers say where 2 or 3 are gathered together... I apply this with underdogs as well because when 2 or 3 underdogs link, what everyone else said and used to count them out, they come together and those things begin to work for them instead of against them. That teenage mom finds hope within herself and begins to push herself and she finds herself not only finishing High School, but enrolls in college and then before she knows it, she has her degree. Not only that, she gets her business going  and all that which was said about her just becomes stepping stones that elevate her to levels that the naysayers said she'd never accomplish. The advantage an Underdog has is something called "resilience". When an underdog starts believing in themselves, this is when you better be careful.

In the story of David and Goliath, we all know that based on what people seen, David didn't stand a chance against Goliath, who was a giant. But what Goliath and everyone else didn't see was that David was resilient and he had a strategy! He knew he was viewed as the underdog, and contrary to what others said, David had a strategy that would crown him victor in the end. I can relate to David because once I had my strategy in the 3rd grade, I knew that every negative thing that had been said about me was going to in the end turn out to be a lie. Despite the insults, the backlash, the hurt and the pain, can I just tell you IT ALL WORKED FOR MY GOOD. 

I'll share this story and end my blog there.

In the Fall of 2014, a vacancy for the Board of Education had became available. For those of you who don't know anything about these kinds of positions, they are rare because they have advantages and people never really quit these kinds of positions. Initially, I hesitated about applying as I began to allow the naysayers to convince me I wasn't qualified for the position. Perhaps the fact I was young, black and a single mother would be reasons to work against me and so I had a moment of doubt. Even in that moment, I had no idea that God had in fact already gone ahead of me and re-positioned me for that which even I doubted I was qualified for. Like I told ya'll, underdogs always have a strategy. Instead of viewing my past in a negative light, I used my story as the ultimate tool that would provide my victory in the end so I went ahead and applied for the job. After waiting about two weeks, nearly 150 others had applied for the job as well. I remained confident in the plan and patiently waited. A week later, I received a call from Human Resources saying I was selected for an interview. Of the 150 candidates, 15 applicants were selected to interview. This meant I had a 1 in 15 chance of being selected for this position. Sometimes we get so caught up in our position in line that we lose focus. I wasn't focused on numbers 2-15 because I knew God had number 1 set aside just for me. I decided to take the time slot of the first (1) interview, which was 8am on a Wednesday morning. The morning of the interview I became extremely nervous. Before walking into the interview room, I decided to go into the bathroom and have a moment of self encouragement, as I'd done so many times before as an underdog. I walked into the interview room and sat at the head of the table with 12 older individuals looking directly at me. It was time to execute the plan. I decided not to pretend or impress but to be transparent, genuine and true to who I knew I was. It's so funny now looking back because all the interview questions, which I had no per-knowledge of, fell directly in alignment with my story. I had prepared a portfolio, that I ended up not even speaking about because who I was and presented in that interview was enough. After the interview, I was escorted out and told that they would be in touch in about a week. I left the interview and sat in my car and cried. I thanked God for the opportunity and told him that if it was his will then I'd be satisfied. I decided to take the day off and wash clothes to clear my mind. Around 3pm the same day, I received a call from a number that I didn't recognize. I quickly answered the phone and was greeted by the Director of the Division I had just interviewed with. She said to me " Ms. Moore, I know we said it would be about a week, but we were so blown away by your interview that we couldn't wait and want to offer you the job"!! DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU LABEL AS THE UNDERDOG!!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN SEEN AS THE UNDERDOG, I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU AREN'T COUNTED OUT!! GOD SEES AND HEARS YOU!! KEEP PUSHING AND TRUSTING IN THE PLAN AND PROCESS THAT GOD HAS FOR YOUR LIFE. 

-Nique