The GOOD in Goodbye

As we navigate this season of growth, I'm sure you will find that everyone that started out with you won't always end up with you. In fact, many begin the self love work after experiencing a hurtful breakup, betrayal from a trusted friend or hurt from a loved one or family member. If we are honest with ourselves, when you come to a place in life where you've committed to this journey, it's most likely because you've had enough of life and people mistreating and mishandling you and you realized that your only other option is to do something different. Not many make it to this point because we become so comfortable with the ways of other and things in our lives, particularly those people and things that mean us no good. Despite knowing that the relationship is abusive or that your involvement and or connections with people, places and things only cause more damage, we are like addicts addicted to that which will eventually destroy us if in fact we allow it.

Then there are those of us who push a little further and entertain the idea of growth and change and even make the attempt to do the work to evoke changes in our lives. However,  just as many addicts, they find themselves relapsing. This usually happens when we've made excuses and we all know excuses lead us right back to where we started or better yet in a far worse position than when we started. Often times when I've spoken to women in abusive relationships or women who have been cheated on I find it interesting that after sharing the horror of what their hearts, self esteem and self worth have endured, they conclude something positive about their abuser or heart breaker to ultimately excuse their behavior which commonly results in them staying and missing out on the GOOD in just saying Goodbye. Why is this? While I have no real rational reason, I'd like to believe that for many reasons many of us have convinced ourselves that better isn't possible. We've become so accustomed to mistreatment that it becomes the norm. Others may pour their hope and faith into believing that the individual or circumstance will change when in reality the change actually starts with self.

When one truly knows self, we will find heart break easier to handle and we are less likely to walk away broken. Knowing self means not accepting abuse of any form. Knowing self is not allowing individuals who have hurt us power over our lives and current and future relationships. I've had many people ask me how it's so easy for me to let go or get over past hurts and it's not the fact that it's easy but I realize that it's necessary. I often tell my friends, we all have our one and sometimes we discover that person we fell so deeply for isn't our one so instead of wasting time trying to fight for something that's over, the effort should be put into self so that when my one comes along I don't miss it. Many of us right now are unhappy because we are still begging and pleading. We are either addicts or in a constant cycle of relapsing. While I don't believe that you can't necessarily be friends with an ex, I don't believe an ex has a place in your present or future relationships. You cannot be fully present with new boo still stuck on old boo.. You also cannot blame new boo for the mess old boo took you through. We tend to allow the actions of others to define who we are and who we become. I had a friend tell me "well I'm still broken".... well of course you are because that's how you see yourself. The actions of others may at a point in time break you but it doesn't have to define who you are and what you see yourself as. "I'm insecure"... well that may be because you've defined your self worth based on what he/she said about you... Do you even know yourself or is who you are defined by others?

This is a topic I could probably blog about for days but my overall thought in this post is simply this, perhaps you will never know what GOOD is because you've never given good a chance because if in fact you did, saying GOODBYE would've happened already...

-Nique