When making connections with people, most people tend to easily click with those who mostly agree with them because this makes them feel the person understands them. While this makes sense, you have to step back and ask yourself is what this person or persons are agreeing with even what's best for me. We are more likely to push away the person who says something that makes us uncomfortable or challenges our perspective especially in the event we have just went through a break up, or had an argument with a friend or relative. In these circumstances we pick up our phones and scroll through our contacts and look for that friend we know will validate everything we say even the bad things. But how beneficial is it to connect with those who won't challenge you? How can you grow with a one sided perspective? It's very intentional when you're looking through your phone for that person to call and you scroll past the honest friend because you know for a fact that person is going to keep it 100 and if we're honest with ourselves that's the person you NEED to hear from in these types of situations. People often use the saying "it's easier said than done" and I've come to really despise this saying because the reality is often what needs to be done is never easy but we also make it hard by making this statement truth in our lives... In fact, I don't believe that it's the doing that's hard I believe it's the acceptance of the truth of what must be done that creates challenges for people. So it makes sense that many of us connect to and with those who will always agree with us, hence us finding ourselves in the same situations with the same sad endings.
Ask yourself, are the people I am connected with always agreeing with my perspective? Do they challenge my thinking? Is this connection even beneficial to my growth? Are my connections one sided? I use these questions especially when I've met a new associate and now more importantly before I consider someone a friend. I have a best friend, whom isn't someone I've known all my life, but is someone who no matter what will always keep it real with me. In doing so, there's also a balance of knowing what to say in moments I need to be built back up but also being honest about her perspective.
The danger with one-sided connections is that nothing in life is one-sided. It only perpetuates a narcissistic mindset and results in constant dissatisfaction. Furthermore, if I'm only able to see things from only my perspective, how am I fostering or even a candidate for a HEALTHY relationship, which includes friendships as well. I recently had an encounter with someone I considered a friend. We were both experiencing changes in our lives and connected because of them. Early on I noticed that despite our connection, this friend had a severe need of attention from her friends and others with whom she chose to date or communicate with. Initially I didn't see it as a problem until I started feeling uncomfortable being able to be honest and express to her how her needs were in my opinion unrealistic expectations of people. This is where I failed.... my connection with her endorsed her one-sided view.... see this isn't just about people connecting with you but also, you connecting with people. We do a disservice to people when we are not able to challenge them even if they aren't willing to receive your perspective. And if in fact that ends up being the case, than perhaps that may mean there is no true connection between you and this person or people and it's okay to deal with people in another capacity or not at all.
Sometimes we feel bad when we end relationships or friendships that we know aren't contributing to our growth. We may feel compelled to stay in friendships and relationships longer due to the amount of time you've known or been with the person or because you don't want to hurt the person. But the reality is the longer you spend connected to someone who you know is not a contributor to your growth, peace or happiness, than you cannot be disappointed with the tragic outcome. I think many of us will live more fulfilling lives if we are honest about our needs and about what we can and cannot do. If I know I cannot meet your needs then it's unfair for me to hold up space in someones life. I challenge you to evaluate the connections in your life... your friends....lover....family members... are these connections a hindrance or a help to where you are headed in your life....
-Nique
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