Unpack Your Bags

Just when you think you've gotten this whole "self-love" thing figured out, you may come to a reflection point where you have to dig deeper. One of the most important things that has to happen as you are learning to love yourself is also the ability to be honest with yourself. It's very easy to reflect on life and pin point where others in your life have caused you hurt and pain but sometimes the blame game can get in the way of ones ability to critically and honestly look at themselves.

As I reflected today, it dawned on me that maybe in fact a lot my disappointments have come from the fact that I hadn't dealt with my own baggage. To be even more transparent, I realized that my ADD (self-diagnosis) isn't just limited to my inability to focus on trivial things, but also in my relationships and dealings with people. As I continued reflecting, it dawned on me that I can in fact be very self centered and even though it may be unintentional, it doesn't make it right or excusable. See the task of unpacking your bag isn't just about acknowledging all the great things about yourself but also being real about the not so good things that perhaps need to be unpacked and thrown away. I realized that because I felt unimportant and overlooked within my family, in my relationships and friendships I've made it a point to be the most important thing. While it's okay it put yourself first, the trouble with this is that you cannot be so self absorbed that you don't consider others around you. In fact, this was a huge portion of what took up a lot of space in my bag. I became so engulfed in my successes and my life that for friends and significant others it was either get in where you fit in or get left.... WOW....

I'm sure you can imagine the guilt and disappointment I felt in realizing this, but it was important for me to see this things for exactly what it is. I hadn't taken the time to even thoroughly explore others worlds being too busy caught up in my own... I made others pay the cost for damage and hurt they had nothing to do with; this is also a transference of my baggage to now becoming theirs. How unfair is it to go into new relationships or friendships with our bags full without taking the time to unpack? We go from relationship to relationship or friendship to friendship so quickly and then are often disappointed with the outcome but who can we blame for this?

I knew upon beginning this journey that everyday wasn't going to be sunshine and flowers. Committing to self-love also means being honest with yourself. That means taking the time to unpack your bag and discarding those things that will continue to cause us problems in future relationships and friendships. Even in writing this post, I am still unpacking... I realize that making excuses is just like unpacking my bag and putting everything right back in it. Have you ever ended a relationship or friendship just to discover some of those persons habits became yours? And sometimes it's the very thing you didn't like about the person... So here's the good news.... You can always stop, put down your bag and unpack... Sometimes this may mean apologizing to others and most importantly being honest and giving yourself another chance to get it right. Sometimes unpacking your bag may mean ending relationships and friendships because you may realize you actually don't have the space to take on other things from others bags...

Ask yourself, what's in my bag? What needs to go and what are things that can stay? What is beneficial and what is harmful to where I am growing? You know it'll be a much easier journey when you "pack light"......

-Nique